S*x is normally at its peak at the start of a relationship—you’re just getting to know one other. However, if you and your spouse are experiencing a dry spell, you may be wondering why your partner doesn’t desire s*x or perhaps asking yourself, “Why has my husband lost s*xual interest in me?” Sure, it might be upsetting, but there’s no need to leap to frightening conclusions. Maybe you simply desire s*x at various times or need to find out how to increase your s*x drive. Whatever the case may be, if you’re seeking a solution to your s*xless marriage, we can help. Here’s what to do if you believe your spouse no longer desires you s*xually.
“We are socialized to believe that a man who doesn’t crave s*x is abnormal,” says Cynthia Pizzulli, Ph.D., a couples therapist in New York. According to her, this might result in feelings like “Oh my God, it’s a disaster, we’re going to end up divorced,” “If my man doesn’t want s*x all the time, something must be wrong with me,” or “He doesn’t desire me anymore.”
However, the reality is that changes in s*xual closeness are common in relationships, particularly long-term ones. That being said, it’s time to have an honest discussion about it if you see your spouse avoiding s*x more often and it’s having a bad effect on you.
According to Pizzulli, “a lack of s*xual intimacy is a couple’s issue, not an individual issue.” Instead of personalizing it, she advises women to be open to working on building connections as a team. Here are six typical reasons your spouse could be losing interest in s*x, along with suggestions for rekindling the spark, before you draw any hasty assumptions about why things have changed.
1. Changes in priorities
S*x sometimes takes a backseat when things become busy in life. It may not be your first thought when he gets home from work to start having s*x with you, especially if you have children.
“After a long day at work, you may choose to watch TV, go to bed, or engage in s s*xxual activity,” Pizzulli explains. “It’s sometimes better to sleep.”
Here, it’s important to accept that, at some point in your lives, your priorities will inevitably shift. “This won’t have a disastrous effect on your relationship,” Pizzulli adds. “Throughout the life cycle, both men and women experience changes in the frequency and importance of s*x.”
2. He’s got a health issue
Men are more likely than women to have certain health issues as they age, such as prostate cancer and erectile dysfunction (ED), both of which may significantly affect your s*xual life.
According to the author of The Complete A to Z for Your V and gynecologist Alyssa Dweck, M.D., who practices in New York, “ED leads some men to avoid s*x altogether.” Additionally, surgery may be necessary in the case of prostate cancer, which may cause you to redefine what s*x is.
Pizzulli states, “The first thing we have to realize is that s*x is not just penetrating s*x.” “S*x is more than simply having s*x. S*x is several things, including anything used to increase a person’s level of arousal. Yes, you will need to make adjustments, but closeness may take many different forms.
Hence, make sure your spouse is receiving the medical care they need and provide support when they get a diagnosis that may have an influence on your s*xual life. “Anyone can support their partner by being present as much as possible and actively participating in their loved one’s medical issue,” says Los Angeles-based s*x therapist and researcher Christine Milrod, Ph.D.
3. Your partnership is now platonic.
Things might start to become stale in a relationship after 30, 20, 10, or even 5 years together. At this point, you’ve established a habit, which, although comfortable in some ways, is unquestionably bad for your s*xual life.
According to Pizzulli, “platonicness is created in the relationship by familiarity.” “When the sensuality in the relationship has kind of decreased and you find yourself in a situation where you’re really just best friends, there’s a s*xless marriage.” It’s unlikely that doing the dishes and folding clothes together would boost either of your arousal, even if it could strengthen your relationship as a pair. “There is nothing to arouse you there if time together is primarily spent watching TV, taking care of household biz, etc,” states Brandy Engler, Psy.D., a psychologist specializing in relationships and s*xuality who lives in Los Angeles and is the author of The Men on My Couch. “Men need stimulation; they are not usually aroused when they walk around.”
4. He is anxious.
Any relationship may have periods of time that are noticeably more difficult than others. Two major reasons for the tension? Money and labor. According to Milrod, “getting fired is a definite romance killer.” “There is an extreme amount of anxiety.”
Arguments over money and job stability are frequent in relationships, but over time, they may build up to the point where they finally impact desire.
According to Milrod, “You can actually bicker your s*x life to death.” “Men will withdraw emotionally and physically, just like women do because every blow to the psyche leaves a mental “wound” that takes a long time to heal.”
5. He finds it awkward to start a s*xual relationship.
It may surprise you to learn that some guys are just not that s*xual, or they lack the confidence to take the lead, particularly if you’re the one who does most of the time. According to Pizzulli, “That just might not be part of his erotic blueprint.”
Even if he initiated often throughout your courtship or even in the early stages of your marriage, this can still be the case. Because it’s “the social norm for men to initiate all things s*x,” some men feel more at ease starting the relationship early, according to Pizzulli.
6. His desire for s*x is poor.
It is rather common for a man’s libido to gradually diminish with time. According to Engler, “many of my male clients are reporting lower s*x drives in general.” Numerous variables, such as mental health issues or declining testosterone levels due to environmental circumstances, might be the cause of this.
According to Engler, “These guys are usually less interested in s*xual activity, but they may still enjoy sensuality or even give their partner pleasure.”
