I’ve learned a lot in my marriage, and I’m still learning. Marriage is a place where you learn a lot.
And among the things I’ve discovered—which I’ll share with you—are the things I must give up in order to be a happy wife.
1. When my husband hurt me, I stopped ignoring him. As an alternative, I talk to him
I used to put up with my husband’s hurt of me.
Not that I would ignore him for a few of minutes here and there, but I would really ignore him for days on end.
Since I don’t want to stir things up, I’d prefer to ignore you than get into a fight.
However, it dawned on me one day: why was I doing this?
With so much more to choose from, why was I choosing to remain unhappy?
I came to the realisation that I would have to accept responsibility for my actions when faced with conflict if I wanted to be happy in my marriage.
Therefore, when my spouse hurts me, I won’t stop being angry and won’t stop talking to him. Instead, I will tell him what’s upsetting me and we will speak about it.
While talking about problems rather than ignoring them or arguing over them later when emotions are running high requires more work than just being unhappy on my own, it also speeds up the process of resolving conflicts.
2. I stopped expecting perfection from my husband.
This is significant since I used to believe that I wouldn’t have any marital difficulties if my spouse were flawless.
However, the reality is that nothing is flawless, not even in marriage.
Furthermore, putting too much pressure on someone to be flawless can just make you feel frustrated and disappointed.
I came to the realisation that there is no such thing as a “perfect” marriage—there will always be aspects of your spouse that you may find objectionable and moments when you may find yourself at odds.
That’s simply the way marriage works.
You will never be content with each other or yourself if you always demand perfection from your partner.
Rather of always striving for perfection—something we are unable to achieve—I concentrate on fostering the healthiest possible connection for us.
3. I no longer thought that my husband could read my thoughts.
I became aware that I was becoming into a demanding wife because I thought he should be aware of my needs, wants, and emotions.
It was unreasonable of me to expect him to be a mind reader since he isn’t one.
I also came to the conclusion that I should ask for what I wanted from him directly rather than expecting he would know.
For example, many women anticipate receiving the greatest postpartum presents from their husbands, but few spouses are aware of this.
Tell your spouse if he acts in this way.
Never assume that he can read your thoughts or know what your true desires are.
4. I stopped assuming that vulnerability equals weakness.
I used to believe that being vulnerable made me weak and that I should constantly put up barriers in my relationships to keep them safe.
But now that I’ve begun to embrace my own weakness, I see that the reverse is true—being vulnerable is the most powerful thing you can do in your relationship.
When you’re vulnerable with your spouse, you’re revealing your true self to them and opening yourself up to them.
They see all of your faults, oddities, and defects, as well as what makes you unique—and they remain by your side.
They still adore you, which is astounding to me.
5. I no longer compare my husband to other husbands.
People, this is a huge one.
We all know that comparing robs us of pleasure, yet it’s all too simple to do in our partnerships.
Especially when we’re depressed or lonely, or when our partner isn’t behaving like the ideal spouse.
I used to make comparisons between my spouse and other husbands.
My spouse has several positive characteristics.
He’s helpful, intelligent, and modest.
But I’d find myself comparing him to other spouses and thinking he wasn’t as wonderful as they were.
Then I realised that if I wanted to be happy with him, I needed to stop comparing him to other people.
Even while we each have our own set of unique abilities and strengths, there will always be someone who is better than us at something—and there are plenty of things we are better at than them.
As spouses, it’s all too easy to compare our husbands’ behaviour to that of others and conclude that his behaviour is lacking—or, worse, that he doesn’t care as much as someone else’s husband does.
But here’s the deal: your spouse loves you in a manner that no one else can.
And if you stop comparing him to others and instead concentrate on what he does for you rather than what he doesn’t do for you or how he compares to another person, you’ll be happier and more happy in your marriage than ever before.
6. I decided to quit comparing my marriage to others’.
You are aware of what I mean.
You think, “Wow!,” when you see your friend’s marriage or partnership on social media. They are ecstatic! Their bond is incredible.
When you contrast your connection with theirs, you find that it is just not equal.
Despite your best efforts, you can’t help but sense that something is lacking in your own marriage.
I’ve come to realise that there will always be couples that seem to be happy than you.
It won’t ever alter.
It also won’t get better if you continue to compare yourself to them.
I understand that comparing your marriage to other people’s is useless and will simply make you wonder “what ifs” since you can’t possible compare your life to theirs.
What happens if their home is better?
What if their careers are more interesting?
What happens if their wealth exceeds ours?
All of a sudden, you find yourself dwelling on your shortcomings throughout the day rather than being grateful for what you already have.
It’s important to quit comparing your marriage to other people’s and concentrate on what makes yours distinctive and unique, even if it doesn’t seem as thrilling as someone else’s.
7. I’m trying not to bother my husband too much.
I have to admit that I still often interrupt my hubby, but I’m slowly learning.
Before he could finish speaking, I would butt in and give him the impression that nothing he said mattered.
Then I saw that it was damaging not only his emotions but also our marriage. Me
It gave the impression that I didn’t listen to what he had to say, which made him feel insignificant and underappreciated in our partnership.
And I don’t want that for any of us.
Our friendship has greatly improved as a result of my decision to quit interrupting him.
When everything is said and done, what matters most is that he feels loved, respected, and listened to.
8. I ended to be unforgiving.
Being a bit of a perfectionist, this was very important to me.
I promise to tell you when you make a mistake.
However, the reality is that errors will be made and mishaps will occur when we are married and starting a family.
Because things won’t always be lovely and flawless, we must rely on one another.
Why would you want to stay with someone if you can’t accept them for who they are?
I’ve come to see that it’s OK for us to make errors; we may sometimes let one other down or inadvertently do harm to one another.
That merely indicates that we’re human, not that we’re not worth hanging around for.
We all make errors since that is how we develop as human beings and learn from them.
I hope this is useful.
How about thee?
Is there anything you’ve learnt to give up in your marriage to make your partner happier?
