Women Are Opening Up On What It’s Really Like To Date Both Younger And Older Men, Including The Good And Bad Things That Happen
The debut of Jennifer Lawrence’s new film, No Hard Feelings, has sparked a renewed discussion regarding age differences in romantic relationships.
Regarding this topic, people appear to feel strongly about it in both positive and bad ways. Therefore, I believed that hearing from others who had truly gone through this experience would be the finest thing we could do.
Reddit user u/icarly1234 recently asked, “Ladies who are in an age gap relationship, what are the pros and cons?” in the Ask Women subreddit, and there was such a huge variety of answers that I think are super helpful to this ongoing convo.
1. “I am nine years older than my spouse. He was 35 when we first met, and I was 44. One advantage is that it is less probable that I will live a long time without him because women often outlive men.”
The nine-year age gap between you and your spouse highlights the varied timelines life can offer. It’s interesting how this difference can bring unique perspectives, both in terms of experiences and potential futures. The thought about the probability of not outliving each other due to the general trend of women having a longer life expectancy is a practical observation. It underlines the consideration of shared moments and the desire for a similar life span.
In a way, it reflects a thoughtful perspective on the long-term dynamics of a relationship, acknowledging the uncertainties that come with the passage of time. It’s a reminder of the importance of cherishing the present and building a life together that encompasses the richness of shared experiences.
2. “The main plus for me is that I don’t want children, and I feel secure in the knowledge that, as he is older, he won’t decide to become a parent. My husband was already 47 when I met him, and we were married at 54. I reasoned that since he had progressed so far without bearing children, there was a good chance he could carry on.”
“The biggest drawback is that I am aware that we will not be able to grow old together, retire together, or even have the possibility of being married for fifty years or more. I’ll probably be a widow by the time I’m sixty or so.
3. “My partner and I have been apart for twenty years. The largest deception is most likely people’s misconceptions. I find it offensive that he might have groomed me or that we are dating below grade level simply because I make attractive arm candy because I was older when we started dating. When others meet us, I have to go into great detail about how we met in order to give our relationship more credibility.”
A two-decade journey together is quite an accomplishment. It’s unfortunate that misconceptions and assumptions from others can cast a shadow on the authenticity of your relationship. The notion that age might be a factor in grooming or that your connection is solely based on appearances can be frustrating to deal with.
Having to provide detailed explanations about your relationship to counter these misconceptions might be exhausting. It’s a testament to the societal stereotypes and judgments that persist, even when love and connection are genuine. It’s essential to prioritize the truth of your shared experiences and the depth of your connection over external perceptions. The strength of your bond and the journey you’ve shared speak louder than any preconceived notions others may hold.
—u/OlySonso
4. “He is 25 and I am 35. I’ve never dated someone that much younger before. He can offer a new and less experienced perspective, and I feel like I can share my wisdom from having been in the game for a little while longer. I love that we can learn from each other’s experiences. Additionally, the communication is significantly dissimilar. He is very forthcoming, willing to discuss many topics, and encourages me to be more open, something I haven’t always been good at. He’s really open to learning and receptive physically, which is encouraging me to be more honest about what I need and desire (and making a big difference in that area).”
Exploring a relationship with a ten-year age difference has brought about a refreshing dynamic in your life. The interplay of your experiences, with you having a bit more mileage in the relationship game, and his youthful perspective, creates a unique synergy. It’s a beautiful exchange of wisdom and fresh outlooks, fostering a learning environment for both of you.
The communication dynamics also seem to be a positive aspect, with his openness encouraging you to be more transparent. This mutual willingness to share thoughts and feelings can be a catalyst for personal growth and intimacy. The physical aspect, marked by his receptivity, has opened up avenues for honest expression of needs and desires, creating a more fulfilling connection. It sounds like you’ve found a balance where the age gap becomes not just a number but a source of mutual enrichment and growth.
5. “I’ve had a 14-year break. We’ve been together for four years; I’m 31 and he’s 45. Advantages: Compared to people my age who I’ve dated, he is more experienced/better in bed, has more life experience that helps when I run into issues I haven’t dealt with previously and is stable in his life and career.”
Cons: if it makes sense, having to watch them struggle with aging’s reality. I am aware that, like everyone else as we age, my partner feels a little insecure about it. He’s the sexiest guy I’ve ever seen, so it saddens me to see him not like his appearance.”
—u/jlux5150
6. “He’s 53 and I’m 37. I’ve never had better sex with anyone else than with him. He understands that a woman’s body changes with age and is unconcerned about excess weight or cellulite. He is a selfless lover and makes me feel beautiful.”
—u/Sookums86
7. “We are ten years apart in age. He recently turned 40, and I am almost 30. My spouse is the only parent of a 17-year-old boy who was born while he was a young man. ‘Dad’s Girlfriend’ was a new dynamic to navigate, but no one ever expected me to become someone’s mother. Additionally, there are certain rules that I understand even if I am still unhappy with my partner because his son lives with him full-time.”
“Don’t stay the night. not being able to make impulsive arrangements or travel. He wants to spend quality time with his son alone, therefore he spends a lot of weekends apart from him. It’s not easy. I just want to sleep next to my boyfriend so much, even if a lot of my friends are getting married and having children. I’ve been struggling with that portion for a very long time.”
8. “I am dating a man who is twenty-five years my junior. It’s a wonderful friendship. Although we both realize that our relationship cannot last forever for a variety of reasons, we are truly enjoying our time together right now.”
“I am dating a man who is twenty-five years my junior. It’s a wonderful friendship. Although we both realize that our relationship cannot last forever for a variety of reasons, we are truly enjoying our time together right now.”
9. “It’s not a con per se, but I do occasionally become a little jealous of my spouse because he has more successful work and a bigger pay. I often forget that it took him seven more years to get to where he is now.”
—u/trippypanda9
My spouse is 27 years old, and I am 34. He began at an entry-level position and now makes more money than me; I teach. Even though I’m seven years older than him, it saddens me a little that he makes so much more money than me and always will as long as I continue in this line of work.”
10. “My partner, who recently turned 37, is ten years my senior. I’m 26. I like that he is a responsible adult who knows how to handle technicians and auto dealers, can do duties on his own without being asked, and comprehends health insurance and taxation. However, he doesn’t always get my cultural allusions, and I can never tell when he’s playing me when he tells me stories about his childhood.”
It sounds like you’ve found a partner with a wealth of life experience and practical skills, given the ten-year age gap. The advantages of having someone mature and responsible can be evident in the way they navigate adult responsibilities like handling technicians, dealing with auto dealers, and managing tasks independently. It’s a valuable asset to have someone who understands the complexities of health insurance and taxation.
However, the differences in cultural references and a bit of mystery surrounding stories from his childhood may introduce moments of playful confusion. The generational gap can sometimes create a disconnect in terms of shared cultural experiences. Yet, there’s a certain charm in the mystery of his childhood stories, adding an intriguing layer to your relationship. Navigating these nuances becomes an opportunity for mutual learning and understanding, enhancing the depth and richness of your connection.
—u/Casanova666
11. “I practically forget that my spouse is fifteen years my junior. I doubt that he was ever aware of it. After 12 years, things are still going well. The only drawback is that I’m afraid I’ll get too old for him to think I’m cute.”
It’s heartening to hear that time has been kind to your relationship, spanning over a decade with your spouse who happens to be fifteen years your junior. The seamless blending of your lives suggests a connection that transcends age. However, the lingering concern about aging and its impact on perceptions of attractiveness is a common worry. While the fear of losing that ‘cute’ factor is valid, it’s essential to recognize that genuine connections surpass physical appearances. The longevity of your relationship speaks volumes about the strength of the emotional bond you share. Embracing the beauty of growing old together and finding new facets of attraction can be a source of continued joy in your journey. After all, love has a unique way of evolving and deepening with time.
— u/Avocationist
12. “The biggest age difference I experienced was 13 years.” On the one hand, you might have thoughtful, in-depth discussions with people who have relevant life experience to support the themes (I detest trivial talk), and most subjects and debates are handled maturely. But because of the large age difference, people stare at you everywhere you go, especially if you appear young.”
When you are introduced, some individuals approach you as if you are just a temporary stopgap because they don’t think the relationship will endure. One person’s desire to be free and travel, while another wants to settle down with a house, a spouse, and children, is another drawback of being at various stages of life.”
13. “It’s hard because the older person is so goddamn set in their ways that compromise or communication just sometimes isn’t an option.”
Navigating a relationship with an older individual can be challenging, primarily due to their deeply ingrained habits and perspectives. The sheer rigidity of being set in one’s ways can create a roadblock where compromise and open communication become elusive. It’s not that they’re unwilling, but rather a result of a lifetime of experiences shaping their beliefs and behaviors. Breaking through these well-established patterns might feel like an uphill battle, making it difficult to find common ground. In such situations, patience and understanding become crucial, as both parties need to navigate the delicate balance between maintaining individuality and fostering a connection.
14. “The last guy I dated was thirteen years my senior. He was in his early 40s and I was in my late 20s. I didn’t know for a few months that nothing we had in common actually existed since he love-bombed me so much. At first, I was pleased by him because he had a great house, a respectable career, and a solid education, but I soon discovered that his wealth was the sole source of his possessions.”
“Gaslitizing me all the time with the attitude, ‘I’m older than you and know better,’ he was remarkably immature for his age. really eager to play “dad.” He had a terrible shoulder and could barely hold himself up for more than a few minutes, so I got tired of having to do all the work, even if the sex was probably good.”
15. “I had a casual relationship with a man who was seventeen years my junior (39 and 23). For a year, it was fairly awesome. He began talking about getting married, and I had made it plain from the beginning that I had no interest in marriage or having kids, so the second year got complicated. He started stating that he wanted us to have a child and wouldn’t let it go. That put an end to it. I later learned that he was married and had a child, which is wonderful for him, and I urged him to find someone his own age to engage in those activities with.”
Navigating relationships with a significant age difference can be both exhilarating and challenging. In my case, a casual liaison with a man seventeen years my junior initially brought about a year of sheer awesomeness. However, complications arose when he began fixating on the idea of marriage and having children, despite my clear stance on steering clear of those commitments. The second year unfolded with increasing complexity as he persisted in expressing his desire for us to start a family. This marked the end of our connection. Later revelations unveiled that he was already married with a child—a joyous revelation for him, undoubtedly. Encouraging him to seek companionship within his age group for those particular life pursuits became a natural conclusion to our unconventional journey.
16. “I’ve been with my girlfriend for 13 years now. I was 23 when we first met, and he was 36. The largest drawback, in my opinion, is that he has somewhat lived life previously. He has done a ton of things that I haven’t been able to experience yet, like travel the world, get married, have children, and much more. He’s so intent on accumulating fortune that sometimes it takes a lot to get him to do small things that I find enjoyable.”
Thirteen years is a significant amount of time, and it sounds like you and your girlfriend have shared quite a journey together. The age difference, while bringing a wealth of experience on his part, can indeed introduce unique challenges, especially if there are aspects of life you’re yet to explore. It’s understandable that the difference in priorities, with a focus on accumulating fortune, can sometimes impact the shared experiences you value. Open communication about your desires and finding a balance that allows for both financial goals and shared enjoyable moments could be beneficial. Have you both discussed these feelings openly and explored ways to bridge the gap between your desired experiences and his focus on accumulating fortune?
17. “I’ve been in my healthiest relationship with my boyfriend for eight years, even though we live apart! However, the biggest drawback I’ve seen is our different energy levels, which I believe is partially due to the fact that I’m much more outgoing and he’s more of a homebody. I know that I enjoy being quite active and going out late, but he seems to have much less energy.”
It’s wonderful that you’ve built a healthy and lasting relationship with your boyfriend over eight years, despite the physical distance! Differences in energy levels can present their own set of challenges, but it sounds like you’re aware of each other’s preferences. Being outgoing and enjoying an active lifestyle while he’s more of a homebody can indeed bring a dynamic to the relationship. It’s great that you’ve identified this and are understanding of each other’s needs. Finding a balance that allows both of you to feel fulfilled and supported in your individual preferences can be key. Have you found any activities or routines that work well for both your active lifestyle and his preference for a quieter environment?
—u/ayylmaos17
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
