Love is a strange emotion. All of our lives, we have been told that it is “patient and kind, not envious, boastful, or proud.” Love does not degrade. It isn’t conceited, easily agitated, or bitter. It never fails and always guards, believes, hopes, and endures.” Oh, and truth gives loving joy.
Additionally, some marriage vows include the phrase “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.”
But have you noticed that such definitions solely address how we ought to show one another love? Nobody is instructing us on how to accept love. You wind up settling as a result of not understanding what love should feel like or how to accept it in a healthy manner.
How can you tell if your partner or spouse isn’t a good fit for you? There are several clear indicators that your marriage or partnership isn’t giving you the love you need and deserve, apart from obvious ones like abuse, untreated addictions, or setting a poor example for your kids.
No matter how much you love someone, here’s how to tell if they’re not the right fit for you.
1.You no longer have the same goals or fundamental beliefs.
Indeed, as time passes, we all undergo changes. A relationship should ideally develop together as a result of such evolutions, but that isn’t always the case. It is not healthy for either of you to live under continual stress due to competing ideals or objectives.
2.It is not worth it to keep attempting to make it function.
In a marriage, two individuals make the daily decision to be together. You may want to give your relationship a serious thought and consider what you’re getting out of it if you’re pushing the relationship to work. Being happy is not the same as feeling that you’should’ be happy.
3. Your family and friends don’t get along with your lover.
It’s one thing if your spouse gets along poorly with one or two friends or family members, but it’s not acceptable if they do.
4. You keep your emotions and opinions to yourself.
Of course, delicate topics sometimes arise and should be carefully broached. However, you are rejecting who you are if you continually keep your thoughts and emotions from your partner. It’s not a wise long-term strategy to decide to disguise who you really are in order to maintain harmony.
5. They won’t take any action to improve your connection; they will just keep complaining.
Actually? Your spouse doesn’t seem like an adult who can be a true partner in a relationship—rather, they sound like a pampered kid. If you’re the one doing all the effort in the relationship, it will never work.
6. Your gut is screaming for you to go.
Why do you not give them any attention? And no, you cannot justify your disregard for the unmistakable message your instincts are screaming at you every day by using the definition of love given above or your marital vows.
7. There is no regard for you from your lover.
Although we are not loved by one other all the time, respecting one another is essential to a happy marriage (or any other kind of relationship, for that matter).
8. You find it more unpleasant to be with your lover.
You should question yourself if you’re making up excuses to stay away from your lover while you’re alone. After you have that answer, you may either work on the situation or decide that you have to go on.
Even in the greatest of relationships, it’s common to be frustrated with your partner or spouse. It’s time to think about leaving, however, if you constantly find yourself unable to tolerate them or avoiding them at all costs.
9. You don’t like the person you are around your partner.
Do you agree with them on points you don’t actually believe, hold your mouth, or engage in other actions that are inconsistent with who you really are? It is not a healthy way to live to please your spouse by pretending that you are someone you are not, particularly if you don’t like them.
10. You experience control and manipulation.
You and your spouse don’t have the necessary give and take in a marriage if they constantly manipulate you into doing what they want.
11. You have no faith in the person you claim to “love.”
Rebuilding trust requires work and dedication on the part of both sides, but it is possible. You are unable to do it alone. And there’s most likely a legitimate reason why you don’t trust your partner.
12. There’s no genuine feeling of connection in your relationship.
In a healthy relationship, the partners should be supported and nurtured for a very long time. However, you should really consider the durability of your marriage if the two of you are unable to connect on a deep level, at least sometimes.
Don’t assume you’ve lost your love just because you can relate to one or two of the things on this list. It can just indicate that you need to put in a little more effort to see whether you two can work on your marriage.
But before you accept “fine” or “meh,” if you’re answering “yes” to all 13 of the things on this list, it’s time to move on. You could even accept something nasty, aggressive, and toxic.
You behave in this way because you persuade yourself that there is an issue with you—that you don’t act affectionate enough. Therefore, you put forth even more effort into trying to love the other person in the hopes that, should you succeed, they would reciprocate your efforts.
However, you must let go of certain individuals because they are just not and never will be a good fit for you. This is a hard but compassionate reality.
Like any committed relationship, marriage requires both parties. No matter how much you love them, accept that your spouse isn’t the right one for you. The most loving thing you can do for him, your children (if you have any), and yourself is to leave a relationship with someone who isn’t healthy for you. I know it will hurt and be tough.
You don’t have a strong relationship if you don’t show, give, and receive healthy love. (Yes, it is yet another 1 Corinthians paraphrase.) And if you stay in a marriage where you don’t feel loved, you have nothing.